ENEMA, I thought this was about jaw surgery!

My Surgery was Wed. April 22, 2009. It is now Mon. April 27, 2009. I haven't taken a dump in 6 days! I am going to talk about it here! Soon. Put up with it and in exchange I will spare you any photographs of the red slug that I blew out of my nose (more on that later). Now I will list off various experiences. Many other bloggers have listed the excruciating details day by day. I will just throw you some meaty things.

• I was very excited to finally have this surgery. I put half of my life into whatever it took to make it here. I had a little fear but I put on a confident face because my parents were with me and I needed to instill a confident feeling in them.
• I made my dad photograph a variety of things to document them and provide distraction from stressful situations.
• I have been learning about and using "Young's Living Oils" to help promote healing and reduce blood loss during surgery. The Doctor and anesthesiologist allowed me to use them, SHOCKINGLY. 20 min. before surgery I took a special potion.
• Apparently I bled more than most people. It's not to say they didn't work but my previous cosmetic surgeries on my face took it's toll and created more work and complications.
• My chin implant was being removed but the tissues were badly scarred making the natural chin advancement tricky. He said it was successful but took longer than most at around 5 hours. I was completely comfortable the whole time.
  
• My nose collapsed due to the instability of it. I look crazy now, like a boxer who'd been punched in the face a lot. And like a Pinocchio puppet head or Donatella Versace. This will be corrected Tues. May 5. (The Happiest Cinco De Mayo Ever!) with an operation that changed times each day he saw me: 20 min, 25 min, 30 min, 45 min. It will be done under local anesthesia. He asked me if I was a wimp. (Hinting it wasn't going to be fun to watch. Hello, my eyes will be shut for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• I was in ICU Intensive Care Unit for one night and then regular hospital for the next. I got to go back to the hotel on the third day at 10am. I was so excited!
  
• There are many different nurses and technicians that you meet when in the hospital with unique personalities and hairstyles.
• So my mouth is wired shut for 5 weeks. It's so the new position can hold while bone fills in. I went back and forth about gaining weight before surgery because I didn't want to waste away. I ate junk food for 2 weeks, lost my 6 pak, went back to healthy diet. Now I am experimenting with different healthy things I can squeeze through a large syringe into my mouth. And also some fattening things. But blenders don't liquefy the food enough and eating (drinking) is a whole process that requires nudity, towels, blending, re blending, doing the laundry when food sprays on your clothes, then rinsing the mouth with that syringe so much that it wears out in a day. (There's a Whole Foods pretty close to the hotel). This 60 cc syringe is like a new twist on the "crazy straw". It could be the new fun sensation. It's like a bodybuilder clown's injection of oral steroids. FEED AND GROW
  

1. loads of different protein powders and green drinks and meal replacement drinks
   
2. sweet and savory juices
3. soups and broths
4. macaroni and cheese or beef
5. liquefied deli meats
6. rice cereal
7. gojiberry juice
8. Julie's Vanilla and Julie's Moca Java ice cream (with a serving of Metamucil) is the best!
9. boxed cereal crushed
10. sweet potatoes, yams, avocados
11. cottage cheese
12. yogurt
13. raw eggs just blended in
14. soba noodles

• Which leads me to this word constipation. I usually go to the bathroom 3 times a day. But I have stopped for 6 days. I felt great, unfortunately I panicked and decided I better get things moving. The Dr. suggested Colase which is a stool softener. What do all of these words mean. Sounds strange to me. I don't want to turn out like Dana Hill or Heather O'Rourke though (child stars dead through not being able to go, maybe my own weird memory) so maybe just doing an enema would be a more natural way of starting the process. Will update soon. "Barry takes first dump". Why, today I can write "Barry drank from a cup for the first time". Hooray!
• One night I kinda freaked out because I couldn't breathe out of nose or and mouth was filling with saliva too quick. The Dr. said to take steamy showers and use a saline spray in the nose which did the trick. I learned a new home remedy. To release the blockage you force air through the loosened tissues and I totally blew out red slime that looked like a slug which oozed toward the drain in the sink like a real slug. I almost had to photograph it. But I could breathe and all the slime running down my face is worth it.
• I decided to buy a new recovery wardrobe so when i flew to San Jose, I purposely didn't bring any clothes. Then I had my friend John whisk me to American Apparel where I paraded around the store for an hour trying on clothes and leaving most in the dressing room somewhat crumpled. But I bought a lot: some gorgeous t shirts and sweats and a weird purple sheer shirt that looks like a long mini skirt dress. (Why did I buy that?) I also got the softest sweatshirt ever in an amazing boysenberry jelly belly color. I thought, who cares how much it costs? I could be dead on the operating table so spend away. Later I realized this was actually not so smart because food would probably end up staining everything. Also some of their clothes aren't so functional, like the x-tra large red sweat pants that are too tight, have no pockets, and a crazy long waistband tie that hangs to the knees!
• So going on walks is encouraged and speeds up recovery. I try to take 2 a day even if it's walking around in a Walgreen's. I actually have a ton of energy but my face and head kind of feel like they are filled with rocks. There is a lot of swelling and the bruising migrated from my neck to my chest (all normal).