PRE NOSE SURGERY UPDATE: CROOKED

Explanation of the pictures:
Tomorrow at 9:40 am, Aly is going to take me to Stanford to get my nose straightened out. Picture updates on Wed May 5, in the evening.







Jonathan came to take care of me for a few days and we had fun shopping at Whole Foods, giving him a mohawk, and taking photos in the party store. Dianna came for a haircut in the hotel, too.
Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed except for spending 3 hours clipping my very thin waisted body.
Apparently this liquid diet encourages rapid weight loss as I have lost about 20 pounds in two weeks!
Today I walked to the post office (30 minutes away) to mail a Mother's Day card and a postcard. Then I went to the Mountain View Library and got a temporary library card to check out "The Marvelous Land of Oz" which has been the theme of this adventure. I have been watching a 1968 version over and over again in the hotel room. It is very cheap and wonderful. I am inspired to get a tattoo to commemorate this experience. I also checked out "Raggedy Ann in Cookie Land" for more tattoo inspiration. I never knew how terribly written the Raggedy Ann books are in comparison to the Oz books. The illustrations are cute though.

Dr. Badger, Winchester House, Smoothee recipes

This part of the blog is the time when I look back on this adventure so far in wonderment to think about all of the surreal experiences that I have been through so far. I think the person who personifies the fantasy-like aspect for me the most could be Dr. Badger. Although I never met him I have thought a lot about him. Dr. Badger is the name of the doctor who I was scheduled to see today, as recommended by Dr. Li. Because of the intense anal pain I had on Wednesday (and also because he wasn't covered by my insurance) I ended up seeing a variety of other doctors sooner and canceling his appointment. It just seems very strange to me that a person by the name of Dr. Badger, would have a career where he dug around in people's butts. Hello Beatrix Potter, this could be your next story!

I have stopped as much medication as I can and am using almond oil and Young Living Oils of cistus and helichrysum just inside and I haven't had any pain. I also bought some apple cider vinegar to take internally and externally which I read works better than medicine on hemorroids. As far as mouth pain, I have discovered Young Living Oil of clove is very numbing.

Winchester House
After reading reviews on yelp about the Winchester Mystery House, I decided not to go there. It is an interesting Victorian house with hundreds of rooms and weird staircases that lead to nowhere. Unfortunately they got rid of the original furniture and the tourguides are mumbly teenagers so instead I bring you this:

http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=winchester+mystery+house

copy and paste into browser for some flickr fun

Smoothee Recipes
(must water pik and/or swish water with salt or clove oil or peppermint oil after "meal")

scoop of canned salmon
tomato juice
Tablespoon of oil and apple cider vinegar
water
boiled quinoa cereal
one small bottle of lentil-vege baby food

macaroni and cheese
scoop of green powder
i teaspoon metamucil (for fiber)
water

2 raw eggs
cooked brown rice cereal
juice
1/8 teaspoon bromelain (for swelling)

Julie's moca java icecream
rice milk
i teaspoon metamucil

boiled sweet potato,
apples, and carrots
water

protein powder
vanilla ice cream
3 teaspoons of stool softener
coconut juice

vanilla ice cream
prune juice
frozen banana
frozen blueberries
orange cream whey protein powder

lentil and spinach dal
beef broth
half can salmon
water

cooked ground beef
butternut squash soup
water

acorn squash
2 eggs
fruit juice
1/8 teaspoon bromelain

half avocado
prune juice
coconut water
1/8 teaspoon bromelain
2 Tablespoons aloe vera juice
orange cream protein powder

P.S. I have a new favorite app for my IPhone. It's called "white noise" i think. It's free and gives you background sounds like chimes, ocean, fan blowing ect.

P.P.S. I haven't had a movement today. Uh-oh! Maybe nature will take it's course.
UPDATE: have had a few small movements since this was first written. I went the natural route with a tablespoon of olive oil in the morning and prune juice in the afternoon.

My Holes, My Holes!

The following photographs were taken by Matt Johnstone and myself and are among my favorite of the bunch.

The Shirtless one was in the morning. It shows the bruising that I was told would happen as I heal. I like the thuggish, boxer-like quality. Definitely a character actor type.

The Bunny Baby was taken in the waiting room of a doctor today. It represents the down trodden direction my day is going.

The top pic is with synchronized swimmers right outside my hotel room door in the parking lot. At first we thought they were cheerleaders, but then I read their shirts more closely and realized the amazing truth. They have a competition at Stanford tomorrow. I felt great that we captured this incredible experience.

MY HOLES: I thought this was going to be a blog about my jaw surgery adventures and it is. But it is really about all of my holes, unfortunately.

• Mouth: jaw and teeth and throat pressures and pain, and not being able to talk or chew.
  
• Nose: crooked as sin UPDATE: NOSE CORRECTION SURGERY HAS BEEN MOVED FROM THE DR"S OFFICE TO STANFORD HOSPITAL ON TUESDAY. THIS GIVES THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEDATE ME.
• Ears:intermittent earaches from the pressure of the swelling, which I am happy to say are gone for now.
• Pee hole: became painful due to catheter insertion problems. I am happy to say no more pain!
• Eyes: no problems except I have to SEE all of this going on on MY body.
• Butt: This is my newest and worst problem. More scary than nose surgery, more painful than jaw surgery. This was an unexpected thing that is making me regret everything:

I DIDN'T TAKE THE STOOL SOFTENER IN TIME. THOSE NARCOTIC PAIN KILLERS MAKE YOU CONSTIPATED. WHEN I TRIED TO HAVE A BM I CREATED AN ANAL FISSURE WHICH MUST EQUAL THE PAIN OF HAVING A BABY.

According to the first dr. I went to today, I had a hemorrhoidal thrombosis which could be quickly eased by a surgeon's scalpel cut. But the surgeon said i actually had this fissure thing. I am trying a creme and hot baths first. If that doesn't work, then this nitrc oxide creme which relaxes the sphincter or something with possible headaches as side effect. If that doesn't work there is a surgery option. I am starting to hate that word: surgery. I may have to get a tattoo when this is all done. Maybe some illustrations from the original "Wizard of Oz" books. Now I am back to feeling like that bunny again. Thank goodness Matt was here to chauffer me around today. And also that I can drink from a cup instead of syringe.

(There is a moral to this story: Don't try to do an enema when a stool softener is needed. Also get liquid stool softener, not capsules that you try to blend like I did. It tasted like death and I couldn't get it down. And I shot myself in the eye with the syringe. I think I might have been better if I did that softener sooner. I am getting an unfortunate education in bowel)

MORE PICTURES!

FIRST WEEK OF PICTURES

He said not to expect to look like Brad Pitt. Guess what, he was right!

In case you haven't noticed, my nose is the real concern here. This shows the freakish, lopsidedness of my nose. The collapse will be fixed on Tues. May 5.
Please click on photo to enlarge.

ENEMA, I thought this was about jaw surgery!

My Surgery was Wed. April 22, 2009. It is now Mon. April 27, 2009. I haven't taken a dump in 6 days! I am going to talk about it here! Soon. Put up with it and in exchange I will spare you any photographs of the red slug that I blew out of my nose (more on that later). Now I will list off various experiences. Many other bloggers have listed the excruciating details day by day. I will just throw you some meaty things.

• I was very excited to finally have this surgery. I put half of my life into whatever it took to make it here. I had a little fear but I put on a confident face because my parents were with me and I needed to instill a confident feeling in them.
• I made my dad photograph a variety of things to document them and provide distraction from stressful situations.
• I have been learning about and using "Young's Living Oils" to help promote healing and reduce blood loss during surgery. The Doctor and anesthesiologist allowed me to use them, SHOCKINGLY. 20 min. before surgery I took a special potion.
• Apparently I bled more than most people. It's not to say they didn't work but my previous cosmetic surgeries on my face took it's toll and created more work and complications.
• My chin implant was being removed but the tissues were badly scarred making the natural chin advancement tricky. He said it was successful but took longer than most at around 5 hours. I was completely comfortable the whole time.
  
• My nose collapsed due to the instability of it. I look crazy now, like a boxer who'd been punched in the face a lot. And like a Pinocchio puppet head or Donatella Versace. This will be corrected Tues. May 5. (The Happiest Cinco De Mayo Ever!) with an operation that changed times each day he saw me: 20 min, 25 min, 30 min, 45 min. It will be done under local anesthesia. He asked me if I was a wimp. (Hinting it wasn't going to be fun to watch. Hello, my eyes will be shut for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• I was in ICU Intensive Care Unit for one night and then regular hospital for the next. I got to go back to the hotel on the third day at 10am. I was so excited!
  
• There are many different nurses and technicians that you meet when in the hospital with unique personalities and hairstyles.
• So my mouth is wired shut for 5 weeks. It's so the new position can hold while bone fills in. I went back and forth about gaining weight before surgery because I didn't want to waste away. I ate junk food for 2 weeks, lost my 6 pak, went back to healthy diet. Now I am experimenting with different healthy things I can squeeze through a large syringe into my mouth. And also some fattening things. But blenders don't liquefy the food enough and eating (drinking) is a whole process that requires nudity, towels, blending, re blending, doing the laundry when food sprays on your clothes, then rinsing the mouth with that syringe so much that it wears out in a day. (There's a Whole Foods pretty close to the hotel). This 60 cc syringe is like a new twist on the "crazy straw". It could be the new fun sensation. It's like a bodybuilder clown's injection of oral steroids. FEED AND GROW
  

1. loads of different protein powders and green drinks and meal replacement drinks
   
2. sweet and savory juices
3. soups and broths
4. macaroni and cheese or beef
5. liquefied deli meats
6. rice cereal
7. gojiberry juice
8. Julie's Vanilla and Julie's Moca Java ice cream (with a serving of Metamucil) is the best!
9. boxed cereal crushed
10. sweet potatoes, yams, avocados
11. cottage cheese
12. yogurt
13. raw eggs just blended in
14. soba noodles

• Which leads me to this word constipation. I usually go to the bathroom 3 times a day. But I have stopped for 6 days. I felt great, unfortunately I panicked and decided I better get things moving. The Dr. suggested Colase which is a stool softener. What do all of these words mean. Sounds strange to me. I don't want to turn out like Dana Hill or Heather O'Rourke though (child stars dead through not being able to go, maybe my own weird memory) so maybe just doing an enema would be a more natural way of starting the process. Will update soon. "Barry takes first dump". Why, today I can write "Barry drank from a cup for the first time". Hooray!
• One night I kinda freaked out because I couldn't breathe out of nose or and mouth was filling with saliva too quick. The Dr. said to take steamy showers and use a saline spray in the nose which did the trick. I learned a new home remedy. To release the blockage you force air through the loosened tissues and I totally blew out red slime that looked like a slug which oozed toward the drain in the sink like a real slug. I almost had to photograph it. But I could breathe and all the slime running down my face is worth it.
• I decided to buy a new recovery wardrobe so when i flew to San Jose, I purposely didn't bring any clothes. Then I had my friend John whisk me to American Apparel where I paraded around the store for an hour trying on clothes and leaving most in the dressing room somewhat crumpled. But I bought a lot: some gorgeous t shirts and sweats and a weird purple sheer shirt that looks like a long mini skirt dress. (Why did I buy that?) I also got the softest sweatshirt ever in an amazing boysenberry jelly belly color. I thought, who cares how much it costs? I could be dead on the operating table so spend away. Later I realized this was actually not so smart because food would probably end up staining everything. Also some of their clothes aren't so functional, like the x-tra large red sweat pants that are too tight, have no pockets, and a crazy long waistband tie that hangs to the knees!
• So going on walks is encouraged and speeds up recovery. I try to take 2 a day even if it's walking around in a Walgreen's. I actually have a ton of energy but my face and head kind of feel like they are filled with rocks. There is a lot of swelling and the bruising migrated from my neck to my chest (all normal).