My Holes, My Holes!

The following photographs were taken by Matt Johnstone and myself and are among my favorite of the bunch.

The Shirtless one was in the morning. It shows the bruising that I was told would happen as I heal. I like the thuggish, boxer-like quality. Definitely a character actor type.

The Bunny Baby was taken in the waiting room of a doctor today. It represents the down trodden direction my day is going.

The top pic is with synchronized swimmers right outside my hotel room door in the parking lot. At first we thought they were cheerleaders, but then I read their shirts more closely and realized the amazing truth. They have a competition at Stanford tomorrow. I felt great that we captured this incredible experience.

MY HOLES: I thought this was going to be a blog about my jaw surgery adventures and it is. But it is really about all of my holes, unfortunately.

• Mouth: jaw and teeth and throat pressures and pain, and not being able to talk or chew.
  
• Nose: crooked as sin UPDATE: NOSE CORRECTION SURGERY HAS BEEN MOVED FROM THE DR"S OFFICE TO STANFORD HOSPITAL ON TUESDAY. THIS GIVES THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEDATE ME.
• Ears:intermittent earaches from the pressure of the swelling, which I am happy to say are gone for now.
• Pee hole: became painful due to catheter insertion problems. I am happy to say no more pain!
• Eyes: no problems except I have to SEE all of this going on on MY body.
• Butt: This is my newest and worst problem. More scary than nose surgery, more painful than jaw surgery. This was an unexpected thing that is making me regret everything:

I DIDN'T TAKE THE STOOL SOFTENER IN TIME. THOSE NARCOTIC PAIN KILLERS MAKE YOU CONSTIPATED. WHEN I TRIED TO HAVE A BM I CREATED AN ANAL FISSURE WHICH MUST EQUAL THE PAIN OF HAVING A BABY.

According to the first dr. I went to today, I had a hemorrhoidal thrombosis which could be quickly eased by a surgeon's scalpel cut. But the surgeon said i actually had this fissure thing. I am trying a creme and hot baths first. If that doesn't work, then this nitrc oxide creme which relaxes the sphincter or something with possible headaches as side effect. If that doesn't work there is a surgery option. I am starting to hate that word: surgery. I may have to get a tattoo when this is all done. Maybe some illustrations from the original "Wizard of Oz" books. Now I am back to feeling like that bunny again. Thank goodness Matt was here to chauffer me around today. And also that I can drink from a cup instead of syringe.

(There is a moral to this story: Don't try to do an enema when a stool softener is needed. Also get liquid stool softener, not capsules that you try to blend like I did. It tasted like death and I couldn't get it down. And I shot myself in the eye with the syringe. I think I might have been better if I did that softener sooner. I am getting an unfortunate education in bowel)